Two Cents from Strong Stepmom

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I’ve have comments on the blog asking for help. I wanted to make a page so people can ask questions or get advice. I wanted it to be where some can relate and feel not so alone. You can post your real name but if you would like privacy you can also put unknown. I hope this can help some of you relate to others while finding hope in your battle. Also remember that you don’t have to be a Stepmom to post a question. This page will be up very soon.

 

8 thoughts on “Two Cents from Strong Stepmom

  1. This article fits my life to a tee!!! I have been through hell with my stepdaughters mother, but I am so glad that we are finally done. Well,, done to a certain extent! My stepdaughter is 20 now and has decided to move in with us because her mother is an undiagnosed sociopath. Now, I don’t say that just because I want to, I say that because if you look up the definition, it fits her perfectly! When I first met my husband in 1999, I thought “how bad can it be”! Oh boy was I naive!!! This woman has done everything imaginable to hurt her daughter and try to hurt my husband. So, to find this article that pretty much sums up my life for the past 14 years, is a breath of fresh air! Thanks for sharing!

    • I can very much relate to the undiagnosed sociopath. The Biomom that we deal with fits it pretty well too. It’s crazy how we think Stepmom life will be a breeze but it’s not. I’m here if you need anything.

  2. I find hope in this blog. I don’t feel alone in my battle. I’ve been reading your blog for a month. I see your struggle with the Biomom. She sounds evil and bitter. May the love of God find the Biomom. She sounds like she’s very jealous of you. May be one day the Biomoms will see how lucky they are to have us as their child’s Stepmom.

    • Hi Struggling Stepmom. You aren’t alone at all. There’s so many of us going through this. Sadly some parents rather use their child to hurt others instead of raising the child correctly. They are bitter and angry for sure! I’m not sure if jealousy even begins to cover it. She’s filled with lots of hate and anger towards us. I just wish she would stop and realize how much harm she’s causing her daughter but she doesn’t care. She’s only out to hurt others and whomever else she can hurt on the way.

  3. Feeling defeated by the system…walked out of a court room yesterday where my husband and I went to make the judge aware of his ex’s latest scheme. She took the oldest child (minor) out of school to testify at a law making committee meeting in our state capital to aligned herself with REAL child abuse advocates to share her unsubstantiated false allegation she made during their divorce years ago in a (third party version of course). She also brought along her mother who referred to my husband in very false accusing terms. A couple days before the court appearance she told the children dad was trying to put her in jail. Children threatened if HE continued they would no longer want to see him and they were confused at why he was so upset and want to get their mom in trouble. They shared that didn’t believe the allegations and since “she didn’t use his name and no one there knew she was talking about him.” They were convinced that because she was trying to get a bill passed her means (untruths) were justifiable.
    At court after she was sworn in she shared with the judge that she did not know why the relationships with father and children were strained and that she always encourages peace. (I have a lot of documentation that proves otherwise) She later suggested that the oldest child who has now refused visitation with his father shared with her that his reason for not wanting to go was that his father hated his mother more than he loved him. She also took the time to share with the court that her children’s stepbrother (my son) was a drug addict. My teenage son ran into his own issues last year and she has not stopped using it to exploit him. The oldest child’s story to us was that he felt our home was “not a good environment” and that he was tired of his dad not allowing him and his mom to do what they want. So in court when the judge specially asked her about the meeting she took the child to she couldn’t recall how her son got to the meeting (70 miles from their home with no drivers license) She also wasn’t sure whether or not he was pulled out of school to go to the meeting…she couldn’t quite recall. So the judge did not penalize her but did “warn” her she was aware of what she was up to and was playing really close to the line. That’s it!!! Out in the hall she dramatically hugged and thanked her lawyer. So today I am feeling defeated but trying to let it go. I believe that God is at work. I pray that the kids someday see the truth. Thanks for the vent…

    • Hi there. I can relate very well with your statement “Feeling defeated by the system…” I have felt this way since 2009. I’m sorry you have to deal with stuff like this. It’s not easy at all. I don’t know why these mothers seem to be out to rip the family apart. Even with evidence showing the truth judges seem to ignore it. Seems like these judges could careless. If you need anything feel free to contact me at stepmom@strongstepmom.com Thank you for the comment. Stay strong.

  4. Does anybody out there have constant battles with their husband’s/boyfriends ex? My boyfriends ex girlfriend who he had a daughter with is absolutely down right rude & is not a good example for her daughter. I came into the picture about 2 years ago…Since then Ellana’s mother (my boyfriend’s ex) has tried her hardest to tear our relationship apart. She sent nude pictures to Darren (my boyfriend) while Ellana was in her custody. Included with the picture message was a text saying “you like” and he responded. -This opened my eyes as to who she really is. Since then she has proceeded to tell my boyfriend that I am getting in the middle of their “co-parenting”. I have made it very clear that I do not mind them talking as long as it pertains to their daughter’s well being, health, or school. But she will not allow the co-parenting to happen until she feels the need to let it all boil up inside her -then she snaps at Darren. and blames me for her insecurities. Ellana tells us she does not like her mother and that her mom yells and screams at her. On mother’s day, she told her mom that she didn’t want to spend the day with her mom, she wanted to spend the day with me. Also about a week ago, Ellana’s mom texted Darren saying that “Ellana has made some poor choices today, so we won’t be going to the waterpark. I constantly buy her things and spend time and money on her and buy her love” She also stated that she cannot deal with her daughter’s attitude and wanted darren to come pick her up since Ellana wanted to be with us -not her mother. Ellana’s mom also stated that she did not want her back until Ellana wanted to come back. Now, is it just me, or should a mom deal with a kid’s attitude and not just pawn them off. (of course we picked her up and took care of the issue). Ellana’s mom also left her for the first 2 years of her life… And now she is throwing her arms up in the air and trying to give up. Just yesterday she started texting Darren saying that I am getting in the middle of things, and I am not her daughter’s parent. She also told Darren that I need to stop “playing house”. That was the lowest thing she could have possibly said to me. Even lower than the pictures she sent to Darrren in attempt to break us up. Also last week Ellana told me she “just knows that her mother is going to rip me out of the family. Now, does a 6 year old come up with this on her own? I know that I am young, so maybe that has something to deal with how I react to the drama her mother creates. I have never once said a single thing to her mom -even after she sent those pictures. I have not opened my mouth once. And it is so hard not to say anything becuase I have so much to say!!!! I am 22 years old, going to college, working full time, and trying my hardest to give this little girl a good example. Her mom is so manipulative it is ridiculous! She has to be in control otherwise she flips out. And it hurts to much to see this little girl trapped in the middle. Any of you other mommies out there have any advice for me? Is it always going to be this crazy? Does it get better? Even if it doesn’t, being a positive example and a role model for my boyfriend’s daughter is so important to me, after all she needs a positive person in her life.

    -A concerned step mommy

    • At first the Biomom in my case did not start being hostile till after I married my husband. I had spanked my bonus daughter for lying. At the time I was teaching my bonus daughter manners. So I thought and I spoke with my husband about how his child needs to learn that it’s not okay to lie. So at that point he gave me permission to spank his child when she lied. I spanked her once then there goes the child abuse allegation. After the extravagant lies from the Biomom we know see how she started to become very hostile. She did everything and has done everything she can to keep us out of my bonus daughter’s life. This has went on since 2008. I don’t know if these struggles we face will ever end. I thought back in 2010 this game would be done but it’s still going. All we can do is learn how to cope with it all. Your boyfriends daughter needs as many positive role models as she can get. Being a family means so much and don’t let anyone try to make you unhappy. I know how it feels to deal with a very hostile mother it’s not easy. I’m still trying to figure this type of person out. Some mothers rather cause issues around for their child rather than getting along and being adults. It’s too much to ask for some people. I hope this has helped. If you need to talk more you can email me at stepmom@strongstepmom.com

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